I recently watched the movie Into The Wild.  I don't think the book was adapted very well into a screenplay, but criticisms aside, I did appreciate the general overtone and message of the film.

For those who have not yet seen the movie or read the book, it is a true story about Chris, a young adult who comes from an abusive and dysfunctional family.  Upon graduation he chooses to search for truth and the meaning of life by abandoning all possessions, cutting all connections to his family and friends, and heading out on the open road with only his spiritual convictions and a longing to attain that which is real.

He begins his journey by noting, "If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason then the possibility of life is destroyed."

By the end of the movie Chris summed up his journey by scribbling this profound insight:

"Happiness only real when shared."



By all accounts, I couldn't agree more with Chris and would like to expand his qualitative tool for measuring the reality of happiness further into the realm of communal living.  Admittedly, I am a terrible sharer. Such truths are difficult to confess being an outspoken advocate for communal living. But Ive realized that I am, in fact, a terrible community member.

When the topic of sharing is applied to materialistic things, I am rather great at giving and sharing.  But material items have no value to me. I live rather simply and don't really hoard much so the giving and sharing of things aren't really such a sacrifice for me.

Sharing feelings however, is a whole other ball game.  I am terrible at sharing my (or in others) struggles, disappointments, happiness, or joys. Over the past few years I've recognized that I don't process or talk about my feelings much and am proud to say that I've made grave improvements. What I've discovered more recently though, is there is a difference between acknowledging and telling someone your feelings and sharing them.

When you tell someone something, your just creating an awareness. But when you share something, you give away control and become co-owners.  When sharing there is more vulnerability at stake because you are not just admitting something, but offering a gift of sorts.  Such an action is frightening and requires a lot of trust!

Because such, I don't share, just tell.  My feelings have been mine and sometimes, I'll let you know about them. But not much about that philosophy is communal. I believe when you share your disappointments, sorrows, struggles, successes, and joys, there is an opportunity created for the knitting together of souls.

No longer are you just letting someone know about your life, but your allowing them to participate in it. There is something very powerful about this act. I dont think sharing necessarily solves all the problems that may be at hand, but it does open a doorway for trust, fellowship, and love... and I'd like to think that somehow always makes things a bit better.

Sharing in this manner does not come naturally for me. It does for some and to those folks I look to in envy, while I am sure they are looking back in confusion wondering how I function. Nonetheless, in our anomaly, we exist - and so it is my goal to learn how to share more. This requires not only allowing folks to be aware and take part in my emotional qualms, but to also ask and be willing to participate in theirs.

I don't have a strategic plan for this process. There are small things that add up, of which I will work on, but for the most part I am relying heavily on meditation, the accountability of friends, and guidance from the Ground Source of All Being. I dont really understand how to move forward, but I know that I must... and so I am opening my mind and heart to the tug of the uncomfortable.

For me, all this revolves around a singular goal to love. I desire to improve this aspect of my life because its how I will learn to love better. Much of my hesitancy towards sharing stems from my inability to trust people and lean towards faith and the mystic nature of love. 

Awhile back I was disappointed by someone in my life - and in reaction I quickly hid behind my walls. In her response to our conversation, I found the charge, the turning point, that has encouraged me to come from behind my wall and begin to examine and change the patterns that hinder love and community rather than build it.

“I will not abandon you. And I will not back away from you. And I will continue to love you, even in my imperfection and in my ignorance and in my indecision. I hope that you will let me. And I hope that you'll continue to do the same.”

My deepest desire is to learn how to live - towards this - each day, in spite of the hiccups I may encounter along the way.
-bobs